Are You Afraid that Something Is Wrong With You Sexually?

Are you either single or coupled, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual or questioning — and afraid that there is something wrong with you, sexually?

How long have you felt this way? Have you carried these fears for a long time? Or, are you experiencing challenges around sexuality and sex that are the result of changing relationships, changing bodies, and/or emotional challenges?

Are you concerned that your sexual relationship is just not what it used to be? The spice is missing and you’re having a really hard time talking to your partner about it? Or maybe you feel scared that there’s something wrong with you because you aren’t attracted to your partner anymore and are generally not interested in sex at all.

Maybe the quality of your orgasms have changed or maybe you’ve never really had an orgasm and have never been able to really admit it to yourself or anyone you’ve been with?

Are you scared because you’re experiencing flashbacks from a previous sexual assault and you’re starting to notice that sometimes during sex you’re distracted?

Are you ashamed to find yourself spending more time in front of the computer looking at pornography and not telling your partner about it?

Are you questioning your sexual orientation and finding yourself attracted to people of the same sex? And maybe you have no idea what to do with the fear and excitement you feel? Wondering whether to pursue them or not? Is this also complicated because you are currently married or partnered with someone of the opposite sex?

You Can Find Relief

People who work with me find that many of their fears are relieved through having a safe place to talk about them. In fact as the many layers of shame are alleviated, my clients find both a joy and compassion that they’ve never felt with regards to their sex life and their sexuality OR a reconnection with that fun, spontaneous self that felt confidence and enthusiasm.

Many people suffer with the thoughts and feelings that there is something wrong with them sexually. This may be an internal belief or the result of something someone said or something you read that described a sexual experience in a different way than how you experience sex. My clients feel shame that interferes with their ability to have the fulfilling sex lives that they want. And there is fear that somehow they’re broken and there is no hope for repair.

In the safe therapeutic environment that you and I create there is great opportunity to heal from these difficult feelings and find fun, freedom and aliveness either again or for the first time! It is never too late to create and enjoy a fulfilling sex life!

Are you afraid that sex therapy means you’re going to have to be sexual with the therapist? Or maybe disrobe? Or have your boundaries disregarded or questioned?

Many of my clients have felt this way at the start of therapy. After we talk about how my sex therapy practice does not involve ANY touching, nudity or physical interaction between the client and me, the client’s are relieved.

Are you afraid that this problem has been going on for so long that there is no hope for it changing?

Often if a problem has been going on for a long time, you have access to lots of information about it, which is extremely helpful in resolving the issue. Many clients who have felt hopeless have found things to be quite workable, actually.

Are you afraid that if you talk with someone that your worst fears are going to be confirmed?

Instead of feeling like your worst fears will be confirmed, you might just experience a sense of feeling “normal.” After all, it makes sense that if you are the only one reckoning with all your fears and concerns, and you’ve never had the opportunity to talk with someone knowledgeable and experienced in working with people who share the same problems, you have no idea how “normal” you really are.

Case Studies

Example 1

Meet Chris (age 42) and Pat (age 48) (the names and any identifying characteristics are changed to protect client’s confidentiality). They’ve got 15 years of togetherness under their belt and most aspects of their relationship are very good. They are best friends, have weathered many conflicts with successful resolutions, and yet their couple sex life is non-existent. They continue to have sexual relationships with themselves, although both reported this as unsatisfying. Therapy revealed that Chris had found their sexual relationship to be “a little routine”, and was afraid to speak to that and also had no idea of how to change things. Initially, Pat took the comment personally, always feeling burdened by having to initiate sex the majority of the time. Through deep, active listening and improved communication skills Chris and Pat found they were each interested in re-invigorating their sex life with love, fun and adventure.

Example 2

Trina is a 30 year old woman who came to therapy to explore her recent decline in sexual desire. She had been in a few heterosexual relationships, and reported that she has never really been satisfied with the sexual aspect of these relationships. Trina claimed that her male partners were more interested in their own sexual satisfaction, leaving her unfulfilled. Before ascribing a diagnosis of hypoactive sexual desire, we explored Trina’s challenges in standing up for herself, speaking her mind and her belief that her male partners “knew more” about sex than she did.